Preseason Power Rankings

Preseason Power Rankings – 2018 Season

Hello All,

Well…we’ve had lots of change in the Extraordinarily Fresh League, however one thing remains the same: the commish’s unequivocal need to assess each team and be CRUSHED for it. That’s right…it’s time for the first installment of the COMMISH’S POWER RANKINGS!  If you think your team sucks following the draft…well it does. These Preseason Power Rankings are based on last year’s results along with the current drafted teams (more than most years, for quite obvious reasons). This should make for some good conversation posts.

Without further ado, I present the Commissioner’s Preseason Power Rankings:

1 – Stairway to Seven:

  • While some were able to keep him from amassing an embarrassment of riches, this manager still came away with quite the balanced draft. He has a few lottery tickets that are expected to emerge as the season progresses, but overall not bad…not bad at all.

2 – Slimbo Kice:

  • Apparently, it’s a family affair atop the Power Rankings as our defending “Kinda Fresh” winner looks to have secured a top-heavy squad. I must note that he likely has little room for underperformance or injury, however if his team performs up to standards, we could expect to see him in this area of the Power Rankings for a while.

3 – Hostile Takeover:

  • We’ve TOTALLY seen this story before: Jewell debuts in the top 5 and quickly begins a descent into the pit of fantasy despair. She’s hoping that this is finally her year to sit perched atop the Power Rankings. Her team is all-around solid enough to do it, but I think history has something to say about that…

4 – My team sucks:

  • One of the newcomers came and stole the show after apparently tanking his chances with an absurdly high Saquon Barkley bid in the Rookie Draft. But yet, here he is, comfortably in the top 5 of the Power Rankings. HOW DID YOU ALL LET HIM DO THAT?! Anyway, he’s got some very interesting pieces that can elevate him even further if some situations around the league change. Keep an eye on this team.

5 – Dirty Laundry:

  • Yet another newcomer makes his way into the top 5! Were most of you asleep during the draft?! This team has some glaring deficiencies at RB, but has made up for it (for the most part) at other positions. There are also some very intriguing lower-tier players that could make a huge leap this year. Overall, a solid but unspectacular draft.

6 – Tha Preda-Toe:

  • Why in the world are all the new guys ranked consecutively?! I don’t know what it was about this draft that made you all sleep on these guys, but they took advantage. Even being the beneficiary of a gift from the reigning champ, this manager couldn’t reign in a top 5 finish. He’ll settle for 6th while resting on an incomplete, but solid team that could struggle to consistently put up points. I wouldn’t count him out if his vets find the “fountain of youth”.

7 – Mr. steal yo Gurley:

  • This manager has been trying to make an ascent in the league for quite some time. Bolstered by a blockbuster post-draft trade, this team looks poised to be the very definition of boom-or-bust. Lots of intriguing pieces, but equally as many question marks. He can rest on having some of the most exciting young players in the game.

8 – DiBia$e:

  • I honestly don’t know what to think of this team. A powerhouse at RB and TE, this team is looking for some meager level of production at WR to stay afloat. While I’m not sure that it will come, at least that impressive lineup of RBs will probably bring the sweats to this manager’s weekly opponents as they simply hope that all of them aren’t “on” at the same time.

9 – The Great One:

  • We know this story all too well. Ronnie lands in the bottom third of the Power Rankings, only to make a surprise ascent. The only issue is this year, I highly expect it to happen. Ranked at #9 just because it’s a mess in this area of the Power Rankings, he has a case to make a Week 1 statement and rise up these ranks tremendously.

10 – KING of Bench Points

  • The “Prezident” did his annual “what the $%&# were you doing?” act. The only difference is, this time, he came away with a magnificent cast of WRs to carry his team. His RBs and FLEX players are unspectacular, but he does have the looks of a team that can pull out some hard-fought victories on a weekly basis. We’ll see whether he can ascend from the ranks of “mediocre”.

11 – The Fresh Crew:

  • Talk about a lopsided roster! We ALL know what’s wrong here, but it’s like trying to talk to the attractive woman with a huge, hairy mole on her face…we can’t look at it too long! RB is a position of extreme strength on this team. The problem is that RB is as strong as WR is weak, and that makes for a risky combo. If some of his WR gambles pan out, I can see this team making a triumphant ascent up the Power Rankings. But that’s a big “if”.

12 – Sincere Douche:

  • This manager played with fate and landed a team full of expensive rookies. All he could do was sit and wait during draft, and boy does it show! Not only does this team have starting lineup holes, but it’s depth is pretty much nonexistent. He has a lot of work to do to avoid a league ban for this surefire “Putrid” infraction.

I know you will disagree with the rankings, but remember, this is meant to generate trash talk! Tune in next week for the ACTUAL rankings before Week 1 on Saturday, September 8, 2018.

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